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> A mind for beauty
hank44soccer
post Jul 19 2011, 03:27 AM
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Author's Note: I give credit to Fire Blade 43 for his story Hive Mind It is a great story I strongly recomend it but I also got some of my ideas from him.
This is his story mixed with my vesrsion of Model citizens
Here is the origional story Hive mind
Chapter 1



Akron Ohio 6:00 PM

Sandy was getting ready for her pool party. She had picked out what she was going to wear, who was invited, what there was to eat, everything was going to be perfect! Sandy wanted to get as many people there as possible, after all she was new to the neighborhood and was trying to make friends, so she posted all over the internet about how sick is was going to be. It was an hour till the guests were to arrive. She was wearing her pink coverup when the doorbell first rang. When she first opened the door she was shocked to see a unfamliar tall, red headed women wearing the strangest outfit at her door. The woman was wearing a gold bodysuit from head to toe,wearing royal purple around her neck, shoulder pads, wrist guards, the skirt that wrapped around her upper legs, her pair of high heel shoes and the small cape she wore on her back. For some unknown reason she was carryibg some bizzare syrrienge type thing in her hands. "I'm sorry I'm not intrested in whatever you're selling." Sandy said as she turned around to double check to make sure everything was ready.

The woman responded, "Hahaha I'm not selling anything, but I guarrante you're intrested." Before Sandy had a chance to completley turn around the syrrienge the woman was carrying had already gone into Sandy's neck and injecting the strange silver liquid into her neck. Sandy soon fell into the woman's arms. The woman dragged Sandy into her own house to advert any suspicions.

Sandy felt a horrible pain in her neck, but was soon overwhelmed by a strange calming sensation. She realized the Agency was her life! Wait what's the Agency? What's going on here and why is she thinking that way? No she already knew, the Agency is a wonderful thing! It meant the world two her! The mysterious middle aged woman kneeled dow next to her. Sandy tried to stand but the queen told her to relax instead. The two began conversing "You're majesty it is an honor to meet you!"

"Think nothing of it Sandy, donor #0001, I have a mission for you."

"I am very eager to serve you're great cause Queen."

"While surfing the internet for possible target's I found out that you are hosting a rather large social gathering tonight. Is that correct?"

"Yes mam it is."

"Good. Now tonight I wan't you to conceal these syrrienges until you are alone with one or two girls, then indocrinate them into the Agency. Indocrinate as many girls as possible without tipping of any of them espically any boys until they are under the Agency's splendor. Indocrinate any and every girl at the party. Is that understood?", She said as she handed the syrrienges to Sandy who stuffed them into her coverup's pocket.

"Yes my majesty. I can not wait to share the Hive's greatness with my newfound friends."

"Yes neither can I. I will stay hear and wait until you have finished indocrinating everyone so I can greet the new members. Take you're coverup off so I can determine what you're best use to the Agency will be."

When all that was left on Sandy was her blue and white horizontal striped strapless bikini, the Queen began examining her and feeling her hands around her body until she reached Samdy's breasts. The "Yes when we get you back to base you'll donate you're breasts to our wonderous cause."

"It will be my honor."

"Thank you Sandy now please prepare you're self for the party, and get us some more members. Remember you are the Agency's very first member our sucsess heavily depends on you." When the first guest arrived, it was her friend Stacy, she jumped on top of her and began initiating her into the Agency. Sandy began doing that to all the girls who arrived. Eventually Sandy decided to let the girls get come in and gett settled before she indocrinated them. Soon the time was just passed midnight and she had gotten almost all of the girls except one. Katie. Katie is a small girl abot 5'1 with blue eyes and blonde hair. During the entire party she was stuck like glue to her boyfriend David. Finally she drank enough soda so she had to pee. When Katie came inside the house to pee, Stacy and Sandy jumped on top of her, Stacy pinned her down while Sandy indocrinated her.

Immediatley following Sandy announced the party was over. When the guys were funneling out David asked his girlfriend "Hey babe, wanna go grab a hotel room."

"Sorry David I don't have time for silly things like boys anymore, I'm apart of something greater." David disgustimgly left the party with a frown on his face, confused aout what had gotten into his girlfriend.

Soon the Queen walked down the stairs side by side with Sandy. She stopped half way through so she could look down at her servants with great pride. She began her speach "Hello my people."

"Hello my Queen."

"Mmmm good. Now down to buisness, You have been chosen to be apart of something greater, you are all members of the Agency. When I found out that there was going to be a large gathering of young girls I jumped on the oppurtunity to start my ne Agency. First I indocrinated the host, Miss Sandy.", she said as she put her arm around Sandy. "Then I gave her explecit instructions to indocrinate all of you. In one night we went from 0 to 50 members. Some of you are scout, others drones, soldiers or donors. You are all equal in my eyes, Sandy I cannot thank you enough for you for you're invaluable service tonight."

"Think nothing of it my Queen."

"My people, go out in the world and indocrinate the worthy."

"Yes my majesty!", the member said with new found ecstasy.


Chapter 2
Sam, Alex, and Clover were enjoying lunch at Bev-High while they noticed a swarm of girls all by this table set up. When they decided to check it out they saw a sign that said "The Agency" in stylized writing. When the excitment calmed down the girls got to talk to the smiling girl sitting at the table.
Alex pondered, "The agencey hah? What's it all about?"

"The agency is a club that get's girls like you three into modeling, the best part is everyone is accepted!"

Clover jumped at the idea of being a model, "Ooh ooh modeling! where do I sign up?" Sam and Alex groaned at the sound of hearing Clover's prettiest girl in the world attitude.

"You don't have to sign up but since the agency's Beverly Hills base is not complete yet the meeting will be in the presentation hall next to the science lab. Once the base is completed there will be a free 24 hour spa, yoga parlor, and beauty salon, also membership is free." While Clover was drulling over the idea of free spa privlages Alex and Sam decided to leave because they thought it seemed to good to be true. Clover sooned rejoined them and said, Well the first meeting's tomorrow they said to bring all of my girl friends, so how 'bout it girls?"

Alex replied, "I can't I have soccer practice tomorrow."

"Well what about you Sam?"

"No thanks Clover I'm uhh...... busy too." Sam just didn't think it was right to get involved in this club, after all she was a spy and a student, she didn't have time to join a club. Clover seemed disapointed at the fact that Sam just made up a horrible excuse.

24 Hours later

Clover was excited for the first meeting of "The Agency". She couldn't wait to be a model and have unlimited spa privlages. Soon a group of about twenty girls assembled in the presentaton hall as fifty women came out in strange uniforms. There seemed to be four different groups of the women. One wore an all purplevest and matching skirt, they seemed fairly normal as opposed to the other girls. The seconed wore a purple body suit that even came up to the the sides of their heads with matching purple heels. The third group seemed to be in incredible physical shape and wore a similar bodysuit but with gold trimming on the neck line, belt, and heels. The fourth and final group appered to be much bigger and bulkier than the other women. They wore a purple bodysuit, but with a gold breast plate and boots instead of heels. One lady stood out from them all. She was a tall woman with a gold bodysuit from head to toe,wearing royal purple around her neck, shoulder pads, wrist guards, the skirt that wrapped around her upper legs, her pair of high heel shoes and the small cape she wore on her back. She quickly greeted the crowd, "Hi my name is the queen, you may refer to me as that or simply you're majesty."

Clover thought, "Somebody's having an ego trip!", She also thought the uniforms looked incredibly tacky and something right out of a 50's sci-fi movie.

"I know I may seem arrogant to some of you but you're all equal in my eyes. For countless generations women have been treated solly on the way they appeared to men. Well we hear at the agency would like to make all of you beautiful but there is one rule."

"What's that?", Someone yelled from the crowd.

The queen answered, "You must wear the Agency's offical uniforms during all offical Agency work." Clover was really starting to dislike this whole uniform thing, but she reminded herself of the free spa and decided the uniforms were tollerable.

The queen snapped her fingers and suddenly the rather bulky women blocked the exits, this made all the girls quiver. When Clover was focusing on the giant women the queen pointed right at her and said, " Miss why don't you come here and be part of my demonstration."

Clover panicked but quietly let out, "Yes mam."

The queen stared at Clover like she was measuring her for something and asked "Miss what's you're name?"

Clover peeped, "Clover."

"I see now Clover do you want to be even more beautiful than you already are?"

Clover thought for a seconed and said "Yes mam."

The queen began to draw a syrringe like device from her golden belt and said, "Well girls this is an excellent example of a girl who wants to be more beautiful than she already is, and there's nothing wrong with that, but you will soon learn that beauty comes at a price. Here at the Agency that price is silly unneeded things like thought or free will."

This confused Clover, she liked her personality and free will just fine but before she could say anything the queen had already injected the syrrienge she was holding in her hand into Clovers neck. The girls in the room began to scream but couldn't escape due to the strength of the women guarding the doors.

Clover felt a sharp pain her neck but was soon overwhelm by a wave of calmness. She was just scared of this creepy Agency thingy, but now the Agency was her life. No this wasn't right, Clover struggled to control her own thoughts.

The queen rested her hand's on Clovers shoulders and said, "Don't worry we'll rid those pesky free thoughts right out of you." She soon turned to the girls in the purple skirts and said, "Gazelle please enter the modelizer."

As Gazelle striped and entered the modelizer Clover rose and asked the Queen, "You're majesty I am Clover doner #00005 what is the first act you'd like me to attend to?" The girls in the room were mortified as it appered Clover had been brainwashed.

"I'd like you to enter the modelizer and donate you're legs to Gazelle."

"Yes you're majesty." Clover stripped naked and then entered the modelizer. As the smoke filled the capsule, Clover had a beaming smile on her face while Gazzele had a smart alicky grin on her face. The girls where terrified when Clover walked out with Thick Bulky legs and was still smiling. It was as if she had swapped body parts with Gazzele.

The Queen turned to Clover, "Thank you Clover."

"Think nothing of it my Queen." The Queen snapped her fingers again and the girls in the room were soon overwelmed as the ass naked Clover and the athletic looking girls began grabbing and injecting a strange clear liqued into the girls necks. The Queen looked over the event with a pleased look on her face. After the initiation was finished a Girl with long curly brown hair and rather small breasts came up to the Queen, "You're majesty we gained twenty-three new members today. Six are new warriors, four are scouts, twelve are drones, and one is a doner."

"Thank you for the status update Sandy doner #00001. I am most pleased with you're work so far, I'd say the Agency's seconed base is a sucsess."

"Thank you for the compliments my Queen." Sandy, Clover, and the Queen looked at the new recruits with genuine smiles on their faces as the recruits tried on their new uniforms.
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Kira Yamato
post Jul 19 2011, 11:33 PM
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Since this chapter is a bit short, it is still hard telling if the story will be good or not. However, its plot sounds very interesting and intelligent. I will wait the next chapter in order to give a more accurate position. Hopefully it may offer more details.

Anyway, keep it up hank !
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hank44soccer
post Sep 2 2011, 05:56 AM
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Chapter two is out!
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Ghidra
post Sep 2 2011, 11:17 PM
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Ok, read Chapter 2! I liked it. It was an enjoyable read. The plot is interesting. It seems to be another take off of Model Citizens. Also liked the random fanservice with Clover getting naked. XD LOL

Um, maybe you should take the previous advice for the last thread in regards to names. I think you know what I'm referring to. I don't know how much I care at this point though.

Fic also needs some editing for typos, but over all nice job. lol




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cloverfan
post Sep 3 2011, 05:11 PM
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Not a bad story so far, although, I don't think Clover should have been involved in the first meeting of the Agency. Perhaps later on in the story, yes. The spies usually don't get involved until they are notified by Jerry., that something is amiss.
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hank44soccer
post Sep 3 2011, 09:39 PM
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QUOTE (cloverfan @ Sep 3 2011, 12:11 PM) *
Not a bad story so far, although, I don't think Clover should have been involved in the first meeting of the Agency. Perhaps later on in the story, yes. The spies usually don't get involved until they are notified by Jerry., that something is amiss.



You are right but this is just her from a social standpoint not about her being a spy but Jerry will get involved later on.
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Kira Yamato
post Sep 3 2011, 10:52 PM
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QUOTE (cloverfan @ Sep 3 2011, 07:11 PM) *
Not a bad story so far, although, I don't think Clover should have been involved in the first meeting of the Agency. Perhaps later on in the story, yes. The spies usually don't get involved until they are notified by Jerry., that something is amiss.

Indeed it is quite uncommon, but I do not think it is a Continuity Porn of some sort. In fact, I found it interesting. ^^
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Ghidra
post Sep 3 2011, 11:58 PM
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QUOTE (Kira Yamato @ Sep 3 2011, 04:52 PM) *
QUOTE (cloverfan @ Sep 3 2011, 07:11 PM) *
Not a bad story so far, although, I don't think Clover should have been involved in the first meeting of the Agency. Perhaps later on in the story, yes. The spies usually don't get involved until they are notified by Jerry., that something is amiss.

Indeed it is quite uncommon, but I do not think it is a Continuity Porn of some sort. In fact, I found it interesting. ^^


It seems like a believable TS plot to me. Remember Matchmaker or Evil Sorority Much? Those had the spies getting involved with the villain's plot on a social basis before being called by Jerry. And honestly, if we wanted it exactly like the show, we could just pop in a DVD or download some episodes.




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Kira Yamato
post Sep 4 2011, 12:19 AM
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QUOTE (Syxx @ Sep 4 2011, 12:58 AM) *
QUOTE (Kira Yamato @ Sep 3 2011, 04:52 PM) *
QUOTE (cloverfan @ Sep 3 2011, 07:11 PM) *
Not a bad story so far, although, I don't think Clover should have been involved in the first meeting of the Agency. Perhaps later on in the story, yes. The spies usually don't get involved until they are notified by Jerry., that something is amiss.

Indeed it is quite uncommon, but I do not think it is a Continuity Porn of some sort. In fact, I found it interesting. ^^


It seems like a believable TS plot to me. Remember Matchmaker or Evil Sorority Much? Those had the spies getting involved with the villain's plot on a social basis before being called by Jerry. And honestly, if we wanted it exactly like the show, we could just pop in a DVD or download some episodes.

Mattaku... I'm not complaining about it. I just said that I see no Continuity Porn into the story.
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hank44soccer
post Sep 4 2011, 02:25 AM
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QUOTE (Kira Yamato @ Sep 3 2011, 07:19 PM) *
QUOTE (Syxx @ Sep 4 2011, 12:58 AM) *
QUOTE (Kira Yamato @ Sep 3 2011, 04:52 PM) *
QUOTE (cloverfan @ Sep 3 2011, 07:11 PM) *
Not a bad story so far, although, I don't think Clover should have been involved in the first meeting of the Agency. Perhaps later on in the story, yes. The spies usually don't get involved until they are notified by Jerry., that something is amiss.

Indeed it is quite uncommon, but I do not think it is a Continuity Porn of some sort. In fact, I found it interesting. ^^


It seems like a believable TS plot to me. Remember Matchmaker or Evil Sorority Much? Those had the spies getting involved with the villain's plot on a social basis before being called by Jerry. And honestly, if we wanted it exactly like the show, we could just pop in a DVD or download some episodes.

Mattaku... I'm not complaining about it. I just said that I see no Continuity Porn into the story.


Please explain the porn part and ohh brand new and improved Chapter 1
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Ghidra
post Sep 4 2011, 02:30 AM
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QUOTE (hank44soccer @ Sep 3 2011, 08:25 PM) *
QUOTE (Kira Yamato @ Sep 3 2011, 07:19 PM) *
QUOTE (Syxx @ Sep 4 2011, 12:58 AM) *
QUOTE (Kira Yamato @ Sep 3 2011, 04:52 PM) *
QUOTE (cloverfan @ Sep 3 2011, 07:11 PM) *
Not a bad story so far, although, I don't think Clover should have been involved in the first meeting of the Agency. Perhaps later on in the story, yes. The spies usually don't get involved until they are notified by Jerry., that something is amiss.

Indeed it is quite uncommon, but I do not think it is a Continuity Porn of some sort. In fact, I found it interesting. ^^


It seems like a believable TS plot to me. Remember Matchmaker or Evil Sorority Much? Those had the spies getting involved with the villain's plot on a social basis before being called by Jerry. And honestly, if we wanted it exactly like the show, we could just pop in a DVD or download some episodes.

Mattaku... I'm not complaining about it. I just said that I see no Continuity Porn into the story.


Please explain the porn part and ohh brand new and improved Chapter 1


I think he's referring to a "trope." Canon porn in this case would be a fanfic that tries to mimic the show (or canon) exactly.




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Ghidra
post Sep 4 2011, 03:45 AM
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Read the newly edited Chapter 1. I think it reads a lot better now. Before it was kind of confusing, but I actually enjoyed it this time. Nice work.




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hank44soccer
post Sep 4 2011, 04:24 AM
Post #13


Lackey
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QUOTE (Syxx @ Sep 3 2011, 10:45 PM) *
Read the newly edited Chapter 1. I think it reads a lot better now. Before it was kind of confusing, but I actually enjoyed it this time. Nice work.

Thanks alot! It means alot to get good reviews from the head aministrator/owner of the site. Still some bugs with chapter 1 so im working them out right now
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Kira Yamato
post Sep 4 2011, 03:57 PM
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Favorite Book: Sein und Zeit, Metaphysik, Summa Theologiae
Favorite Musician(s): Beethoven, Richard Wagner, Anton Bruckner
Favorite Game: Desurete, Bandori, BGHS, and Kancolle



QUOTE (hank44soccer @ Sep 4 2011, 03:25 AM) *
QUOTE (Kira Yamato @ Sep 3 2011, 07:19 PM) *
QUOTE (Syxx @ Sep 4 2011, 12:58 AM) *
QUOTE (Kira Yamato @ Sep 3 2011, 04:52 PM) *
QUOTE (cloverfan @ Sep 3 2011, 07:11 PM) *
Not a bad story so far, although, I don't think Clover should have been involved in the first meeting of the Agency. Perhaps later on in the story, yes. The spies usually don't get involved until they are notified by Jerry., that something is amiss.

Indeed it is quite uncommon, but I do not think it is a Continuity Porn of some sort. In fact, I found it interesting. ^^


It seems like a believable TS plot to me. Remember Matchmaker or Evil Sorority Much? Those had the spies getting involved with the villain's plot on a social basis before being called by Jerry. And honestly, if we wanted it exactly like the show, we could just pop in a DVD or download some episodes.

Mattaku... I'm not complaining about it. I just said that I see no Continuity Porn into the story.


Please explain the porn part and ohh brand new and improved Chapter 1

It would be tiresome explaining what this trope means. There are many sites concerning tropes. Please go and visit them.

Edit: Syxx already gave a simple explanation about it.
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hank44soccer
post Sep 4 2011, 04:17 PM
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Lackey
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QUOTE (Kira Yamato @ Sep 4 2011, 10:57 AM) *
QUOTE (hank44soccer @ Sep 4 2011, 03:25 AM) *
QUOTE (Kira Yamato @ Sep 3 2011, 07:19 PM) *
QUOTE (Syxx @ Sep 4 2011, 12:58 AM) *
QUOTE (Kira Yamato @ Sep 3 2011, 04:52 PM) *
QUOTE (cloverfan @ Sep 3 2011, 07:11 PM) *
Not a bad story so far, although, I don't think Clover should have been involved in the first meeting of the Agency. Perhaps later on in the story, yes. The spies usually don't get involved until they are notified by Jerry., that something is amiss.

Indeed it is quite uncommon, but I do not think it is a Continuity Porn of some sort. In fact, I found it interesting. ^^


It seems like a believable TS plot to me. Remember Matchmaker or Evil Sorority Much? Those had the spies getting involved with the villain's plot on a social basis before being called by Jerry. And honestly, if we wanted it exactly like the show, we could just pop in a DVD or download some episodes.

Mattaku... I'm not complaining about it. I just said that I see no Continuity Porn into the story.


Please explain the porn part and ohh brand new and improved Chapter 1

It would be tiresome explaining what this trope means. There are many sites concerning tropes. Please go and visit them.

Edit: Syxx already gave a simple explanation about it.

you're right, do you like therenovated ch.1?
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Kira Yamato
post Sep 9 2011, 05:42 PM
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Favorite Book: Sein und Zeit, Metaphysik, Summa Theologiae
Favorite Musician(s): Beethoven, Richard Wagner, Anton Bruckner
Favorite Game: Desurete, Bandori, BGHS, and Kancolle



QUOTE (hank44soccer @ Sep 4 2011, 06:17 PM) *
you're right, do you like therenovated ch.1?

I have finished reading it. It is very good. Indeed I like the way you describe all characters. It is concise and succint. There is only a little comment I would like to say: It is related to the scenarios in which the events take place. I think they are poorly described (or even absent) in the text. It would be interesting if you could say a few words about them in order to give the reader a possibility to imagine them. I am sorry if my comment is a bit harsh. My purpose is just to help you improving the text.
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NinjaNick101
post Nov 7 2011, 08:34 AM
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Caught up on this story, too. It's pretty interesting. I like to see more.




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TSUG.net is a fan made website created in appreciation of Totally Spies. TSUG.net is not affiliated with the owners or creators of Totally Spies or its characters and settings. Totally Spies is owned by Marathon Animation Inc. This website was created just for informational purposes and for fun. This website has not been profited from in any way.